My Thoughts On "Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine" and Discussion Questions

I'm just going to come right out and say it, I wasn't a fan of this book at all.  My book club originally picked another book for this month, but then they changed their mind at the meeting at picked this one instead.  Personally, I wanted to read the other one, I thought it sounded more interesting, but hopefully it'll come back up as an option at some point in the future.  With that being said, this book didn't really speak to me like other books did.  Since I've been surprised by books I didn't think I would like in the past, however, I went into it with an open mind and hoped for the best. Unfortunately, I just couldn't get into it, although I could see why other people would enjoy it.  Apparently it's going to be made into a movie, and I might go see it, but I won't be first in line; maybe if it came out on Netflix or Hulu I would eventually watch it.

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine focuses on Eleanor, a woman in the 30s with autism who lives in Scotland.  In her mind, everything in her life is perfect, she has a job, an apartment and a routine that includes a weekly phone call with her mother, who lives elsewhere (although it's not entirely specified where, but it is some sort of group home).  To Eleanor, manners and perfection is of the utmost importance, a habit she tries to demonstrate to her coworkers on a daily basis in the hopes they will follow her example.

Everything in Eleanor's life is thrown into complete turmoil, however, when she sees a concert (courtesy of tickets she won at work) and falls head over heels with the lead singer.  Suddenly aware of the fact that she is a little bit odd and doesn't act like the other women in her office, Eleanor takes it upon herself to improve her life, with some humorous results through various misunderstandings.  Eleanor's life is further complicated by the introduction of Raymond, the IT guy in her building who she slowly becomes friends with as their paths continue to cross.  The entire time, Eleanor hints at struggles from her past, which continue to haunt her.

I wish I could put my finger on why I didn't like this book, but I can't.  I think I had trouble connecting with the character, and I found the plot to be a little bland.  Like I said, I wasn't overly thrilled about reading this book, but I went into it with as open a mind as I could muster, as I've been surprised by books I thought I wouldn't like in the past.  I also wanted to like the book because Nicholas is on the spectrum (just barely), and I hoped this book would bit a bit of a window into his mind.  Instead, I found a character who completely shifted her worldview and attitude on everything in a short amount of time, which seemed highly unrealistic, even if she wasn't on the spectrum in the first place.

I think another complaint I have about this book is the abruptness of everything.  The character and plots swings between extremes without so much as a second thought, and it seems completely unrealistic.  I really can't dive into more about that right now because it would give away quite a few spoilers, but I talk about more of that below.

Okay, now I want to talk about a few twists and turns that the reader encounters towards the end of the book.  I also want to post my book club discussion questions.  So, if you haven't read the book or want to avoid spoilers, this is probably where you should stop reading.

First of all, what in the world was that ending!?  I feel like the fact that Eleanor's mom died years ago and was simply a figment of her imagination came completely out of nowhere.  I feel like if you're going to pull a stunt like that in a book, it needs to have some sort of foundation, some subtle clues that if you know about it, you'll be able to figure out with relative ease (or with a little bit of thought) when going back and rereading the book.  I don't want to spoil it, but I read another book recently that had a very similar twist, and while it did blindside me, it seemed far more believable.  This time, however, it just seemed completely ridiculous.  On the other hand, I am glad that Eleanor's mom was really dead, as that meant she couldn't harass her anymore.

I was also bothered by how Eleanor and Raymond's relationship ended.  I never wanted it to be a romantic relationship, so I was glad it wasn't, but I felt like once Eleanor got her life together, she just closed the door on their friendship and everything, despite how helpful he was to her.  Now, part of that coldness could stem from her being on the Autism spectrum, but I don't want to write off all her behavior as "oh, she did that because she's on the spectrum".  To me, it just seemed abrupt, and I definitely got the feeling at the end of the book that their friendship was essentially over.  This was also upsetting because Raymond's such a wonderful guy who, honestly, deserves to be treated better.

I also didn't like the huge swing in Eleanor's emotions towards Johnnie.  I mean, one moment she's planning out their entire lives together, the next she's have an existential crisis and is ready to commit suicide simply because she realizes the man is the worst.  She didn't even talk to him, she just realized how awful he was, and, for whatever reason, it sent her spiraling.  Now, I remember having crushes on guys and either they didn't reciprocate or I realized they were the worst, and while I was upset, it didn't send me into a tailspin of self-destruction.  All of this felt extremely abrupt and completely unrealistic in so many ways.  I actually double checked the author's name to see if it was a man or woman who wrote the book, as it definitely felt more like a man who wrote it.

Despite my sentiments about the book, I did manage to come up with some discussion questions.  I hope if your book club uses Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, you'll find these questions useful.

1. Early on, Eleanor says her coworkers hate her.  What would give her that impression?
2. Do you feel the book being told from Eleanor's point of view enhanced the text?
3. Despite what Eleanor claims, do you think she craved more human interaction?
4. How much of Eleanor's behavior was a result of her being on the Autism spectrum and how much of it was a result of her childhood trauma?
5. Eleanor refers to herself as a little phoenix (page 74), is this an appropriate simile?
6. Right away, Eleanor seems extremely comfortable with Raymond's mom.  Did this stem from the fact that she was the exact opposite of Eleanor's mom?
7. Is solitudy as liberating as Eleanor claims on page 134?
8. Did Eleanor's autism protect her from internalizing the abuse from her mother?
9. Why did Eleanor change her mind about Johnnie so abruptly?
10. Why did Eleanor's mom continue to have so much control over her even after her death?
11. Why did Eleanor suddenly decide to get rid of things such as her frog and not lament the passing of her plant?
12. Eleanor admonishes herself for being quick to judge others on page 294.  How was she a victim of people being quick to judge her as well?
13. Given Eleanor's childhood, can you blame her for not wanting to have children?
14. Do you agree with Eleanor's decision to stop talking to her "mother"?
15. What causes Eleanor's coworkers to suddenly become nicer towards her?
16. Were you surprised to discover Eleanor's mother was really dead?
17. Eleanor tells Raymond what matters is that she survived (page 224).  Up until she met Raymond, however, did she truly live?
18. Why did Eleanor tell Raymond if she would go to the concert with him at the end of the book?
19. Raymond obviously had a positive impact on Eleanor, but in what ways did Eleanor have a positive impact on Raymond?
20. As the book progressed, how did Eleanor's tone and use of popular phrases/word choice change, along with using a more casual tone?
21. How did this book change your perspective on people on the Autism spectrum?

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My Thoughts on "Educated" and Discussion Questions

I can't go to book club this month.  I know, that's disappointing, but it's not the end of the world.  I'm doing something just as exciting (if not more exciting) that day with Bryan, and my mom talked me into joining her second book club (more on that later).  Despite the fact that I can't go book club, I still decided to read the book since it was one I'd heard wonderful things about.  This month, book club read Educated by Tara Westover.

Educated is a memoir following Tara's extremely unconventional childhood and journey to Brigham Young University, Cambridge and eventually Harvard.  While this would be impressive for anyone, it's especially impressive given Tara's upbringing.  Her father, Gene, had extreme views about the world, particularly the government.  In an attempt to protect his family from the dangers he perceived from the government, he never got his children birth certificates and never allowed them to go to school.  This never stopped Tara's thirst for knowledge.  After one of her older brothers went to BYU, Tara realized this was something she could accomplish as well.  This was an incredibly challenging task for Tara, as she never went to school or had any sort of formal education (she had to teach herself math in order to pass the ACT). 

Once in college, however, things didn't get much easier, as Tara realized her education was far from complete.  Growing up, Tara learned from her father that African American slaves had a far easier life than their masters, as their masters worried about how they were going to feed and take care of all their slaves.  At BYU, Tara learned that that was the furthest thing from the truth, especially when she saw the famous picture of the scars on the back of a slave from being whipped his entire life.  This was a huge shock to Tara.  She always knew her father was unconventional, but this was a huge slap to the face.

One thing I couldn't quite figure out was Tara's father's true beliefs.  Sometimes he seemed very much set against the government, school and modern medicine, not to mention he wanted to keep his kids away from outside influences and anything that went against their Mormon religion.  On the other hand, there were instances where he seemed somewhat fine with Tara and her older brother going to college (although he was very set against it at the beginning), and he was even fine with Tara performing with local theatre groups.  This seems so counter intuitive, especially given his extreme beliefs.  Part of me wondered if he thought Tara was simply going through a phase when it came to her education, and, towards the end, when he realized that this wasn't the case, he finally snapped and cut her out of his life (although Tara seemed relieved about this as well). 

Another character I couldn't quite figure out was Tara's mother.  She definitely didn't seem to fully embrace her husband's extreme ideologies at first.  She always believed in things such as essential oils to help cure sicknesses, but then it got worse as she started using muscle testing and chakras to cure illnesses as well.  At the same time, Tara's mom seemed to encourage her to leave and get some sort of education, despite her husband's beliefs.  Towards the end of the book, however, Tara's mom became more extreme in her beliefs, especially as her essential oils business grew and expanded.  I really couldn't figure out what she really believed and what she went along with simply to keep the peace.  Towards the end, however, Tara's mom seemed in denial, especially when it came to Tara's brother, Shawn.  She even tried to convince Tara that her memories were faulty, thereby demonstrating that the devil was at work trying to take her daughter away from her.

Tara's brother, Shawn, was another character.  Honestly, it's a miracle Tara didn't end up seriously injured, or even worse.  He was always a bit unstable, but after a series of accidents, brain damage caused him to be even worse, to the point that he threatened both Tara and her sister, Audrey, in separate instances.  What upset me the most about this was the fact Tara's parents were in complete denial and constantly made excuses for him.  Yes, he is their son (I'm not a parent, so I can't sympathize with them in that capacity), but they had to realize that the behavior Shawn exhibited was completely wrong, especially given the fact that they had other sons who weren't anything like him.  I still can't figure out why they made so many excuses for him, why he was chosen as the golden child of sorts, always willing to look past his extreme faults and problems.

I think one thing that stood out to me about this book was Westover's claim that they lived off the grid.  In some ways, I definitely agree, especially when it came to their interactions with the government.  Tara didn't even know when her birthday was, so she picked one for herself around the time family members told her she was born, all because she was born at home and wasn't issued a birth certificate until she left for Cambridge.  In other ways, I don't think the Westovers lived off the grid.  They still interacted with the outside world on a very regular basis, even going so far as to have a booming essential oils and homeopathic remedies business.  Ultimately, Tara's father wanted them to be completely off the grid, but they never got there, as they got distracted by capitalism and their growing business.  I find that extremely ironic, especially given the fact that it was something her father seemed to hate.  It makes me wonder if he didn't like the government and everything simply because he couldn't do what he wanted, but the growing essential oils business gave him the ability to move past his former limitations.

Something else that stood out to me was the role of professors in Tara's life.  While it's not completely out of the ordinary to sometimes have a close relationship with professors, it is rare.  Typically in college, you go to class, you listen to the professor talk for an hour, then you leave.  There were some professors I had a closer relationship with in college, but I was fortunate enough to go to a smaller college (about a fourth the size of BYU).  As a teacher, this really stood out to me and reminded me of the importance of my job.  All it takes is one teacher who believes in a student for them to be put on the path for success.  On my most difficult days, this is what I need to remember.  Tara kept her hardships at home a secret from her professors, and that's something else teachers need to remember; we never know exactly what's going on a student's life or what kind of support he or she needs to be successful.

Despite the fact I can't go to book club, I still came up with some questions that my mom could bring along.  Unlike last time, I wrote the questions as I read the book, that way I could come up with some more specific questions.  This also helped me create a much longer list of questions than last time.  Hopefully you'll be able to use them as well.

1. What effect did Ruby Ridge have on Tara's dad?
2. Do you agree with Tara's speculation that her dad may be bipolar, or was he just eccentric?
3. Tara's dad didn't say anything when she was accepted to BYU.  Do you think it was because he resigned to fate or because he didn't fully believe she would actually go?
4. In what way did the Bishop and several of Tara's professors step in to be the father figure Tara's dad wasn't?
5. Had Shawn not been injured, do you think he would have gone along with his dad's beliefs in the way he did towards the end of the book?
6. Had Tara been a boy or treated a little better, do you think she would have fallen in line with her dad's beliefs or not gone off to college?
7. What did Emily mean when she said Shawn was a spiritual man?
8. Tara's dad saw surviving the explosion as a way "to show people there's another way besides the Medical Establishment."  Given his quality of life, is this true?
9. Do you think the fact he survived his accident helped Tara's dad and her family solidify their beliefs?
10. How did Tara's dinner with her parents at the Indian restaurant near her apartment at BYU represent a shift in their relationship?
11. Do you think Tara didn't want to tell people she never went to school after she won the Gates scholarship because it would lend credence to her parents' parenting style?
12. Tara's dad claims essential oils businesses offered to buy them out.  Do you think this was true or one of his delusions?
13. Tara describes herself as a "woman emancipated from pretense".  Do you agree with this observation?
14. In what ways was Tara's mom complicit with the abuse Tara endured?
15. Who was more abusive, Tara's dad or Shawn?
16. Why were Tara's parents in such denial about Shawn, especially towards the end?
17. Is Tara's academics an example of nature versus nurture?

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My Thoughts on "Where the Crawdads Sing"

You know that book you pick up thinking it sounds moderately interesting, but once you start reading it, it takes on a life of its own and is infinitely better than anything you could have ever imagined?  That's Where the Crawdads Sing.  This book blew every single one of my expectations out of the water and has quickly become one of my favorite books.  Just like Everything I Never Told You, it almost impossible to talk about this book without talking about spoiler; I'll leave a big warning before I start talking about anything that could potentially spoil the book for others.

Where the Crawdads Sing takes place during the 1950s in the rural marshes of North Carolina and follows the story of Kya.  Kya lives in the marshes with her family: her father, who is a World War II veteran and alcoholic, her mother and approximately five siblings (she's the youngest).  Slowly, Kya's family abandons her, all of them leaving for a hopefully better life elsewhere, until she's left with her dad, until he eventually leaves her as well.  At the age of approximately ten, Kya is left to fend for herself.

For both of my mom's book clubs (they each read this book separately a few months ago), this is where the book became completely unrealistic.  They couldn't wrap their minds around the fact that a little girl survived out in the marshes on her own, and nobody in town even noticed or did anything about it.  While I can see where they're coming from, it is, unfortunately, very possible.  Think about how many children slip through the cracks of the foster care system every single day.  Obviously, this isn't something we want to think about, as we'd like to think that the foster system does its job without any problems.  My coworker and I were talking about this.  We're both teachers, and she told me about a student she had last year.  Nobody knew that this student and her sister were living completely on their own for two months until they were about to be evicted.  Just like Kya, they went through the motions and hid the reality of their circumstances from everyone around them.  With that being said, it really didn't seem out of the realm of possibility that Kya was alone, and nobody knew any better.

Kya's childhood is only part of the story.  Interwoven with Kya's childhood and extremely unconventional upbringing, local police are trying to solve the mysterious murder of Chase Andrews, former star quarterback and all-around beloved member of the community.  Locals found his body in the marsh underneath the fire tower, and suspicion immediately turned to Kya, who the locals refer to as "Marsh Girl".  Their prejudice get the better of them as they try to figure out who killed Chase.  It's easy to figure out why they zeroed in on Kya, as she was the quintessential example of an outcast, while Chase was the quintessential example of a town superstar.  This story mostly takes a backseat to the story about Kya's childhood and upbringing, until they both converge, and the reader spends the rest of the story hooked on every word as they find out what happened to Chase and Kya.

Now that we've gotten the basics out of the way, it's time to dive a little more into the book.  Just like before, if you haven't read the book or don't want spoilers this is where you should probably stop reading.  There aren't any discussion questions for this post.

Wow, all I can say is wow.  That ending was amazing!  I definitely did NOT see that coming!  I spent the entire book completely convinced that Kya was 100% innocent, especially the way she talked to her lawyer and made it abundantly clear that she would NOT have anything to do with any plea bargain that included jail time.  I definitely knew that Chase raped her, but  I thought he was going to rape her on the top of the fire tower, and then she pushed him off in self-defense.  After that turned out to be incorrect, I thought she was going to be found guilty and executed.  I have to admit, I was so relieved when that turned out to be not true.  I read another book where something similar happened, and while the book was amazing (and the death at the end definitely helped contribute to the plot), I still didn't like it.  After Kya was found not-guilty, I was so sure she was innocent and Tate actually killed Chase for Kya (we'll talk about Kya and Tate's relationship in a bit; I absolutely loved it!).  I know that that was what Owen was going for with the chapter immediately following Kya's acquittal, and it definitely seemed plausible.

I absolutely loved Tate's relationship with Kya.  Yes, he did her wrong by leaving her to go to college, but had he actually said goodbye and explained why he had to leave her (he really did think he was acting in her own best interest), then things would have been much smoother between them.  Unlike Chase, Tate really did have Kya's best interests at heart, which is why I was so convinced he killed Chase.  I was absolutely heartbroken when Tate left Kya (although I knew he had to spread his own wings and experiencing his own life for a little while), but he always looked out for her and did whatever he could to make sure she had everything she needed.  Unlike everyone else, Tate was able to see Kya for who she really was and all the potential she had inside her.  If everyone else in town had treated her the same way, then maybe she would have had a much different life.

I also want to take a little bit of time to talk about Chase.  First of all, what a total creep!  I hate to say it, but the guy really deserved what happened to him.  He took complete advantage of a woman.  To him, she was simply another notch on his belt.  Not only that, she was an extremely exotic notch in his built, which he bragged about to his friends.  I can't believe he even got married, what woman would want him!?  On top of being able to get just about any woman he wanted in town (which he did...several times), he still had to try to rape Kya and then harass her after the fact.  Kya absolutely did the right thing killing Chase, there was no way he was going to leave her alone.  She had to do something, not only for herself, but for other women in town.  Chase was known was a womanizer, but who's the say Chase hadn't tried to or successfully raped other women over the years.  Kya refused to come forward and admit that she had been raped.  No one would have believed her in the first place.  In a way, Where the Crawdads Sing is a commentary of women's rights and how backwards the system was.  On the other hand, had this happened today, and a social outcast accused the town's golden boy of rape, would she be believed?  I'd like to say yes, but I know that the answer would most likely be no.  There's still so much work to be done when it comes to women's rights, but that's not what I'm here to talk about today.

Like I said, both of my mom's book clubs read this book, but I just read it for fun.  For that reason, I don't actually have any discussion questions for this book.  I finished the book last night, but I'm still working on processing the book.  If you have any great discussion questions you want to share, please leave them in a comment below.

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My Thoughts On "Everything I Never Told You" and Discussion Questions

Over a year ago, my mom joined a book club, and I was intrigued and interested in joining her, but the members weren't close to my age, and life got in the way.  A few months ago, my mom joined a SECOND book club (because apparently one wasn't enough for her).  Last month, her second book club read one of her favorite books (Before We Were Yours), and she really pushed for me to read the book and come with her (it helped that it was being hosted at one of my favorite restaurants).  Well, the book seemed interesting enough, and I wanted to get my mom off my back, so I gave in.  I honestly had a blast!  This book club had a wide range of people from my age to my mom's, they actually talked about the book, and the book choices were excellent.  Needless to say, now I'm part of a book club.

I've been part of book clubs in the past.  In middle school I went to one at the local library with a friend.  After college, my best friend tried to start one up, but it mostly was an excuse for us to get together once a month and hang out.  A little while before I met my boyfriend I tried one at the local library again but wasn't a fan (most of the people were significantly older than me, and I was looking for people my age).  So, after all these experiences, I'm glad to have found a book club I actually enjoy.

I guess at this point you may have figured out that this month's book for book club was Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng, which is why I started out this post talking about my past experiences with book clubs and my general thoughts on them.  Now that that's out of the way, I can actually talk about the book.  I do want to warn you that this book is difficult to talk about without giving away spoilers (although what book is?).  So, if you haven't read the book and want to avoid spoilers, you won't want to read the entire post below.  I'll post a warning before I get into the spoilers (trust me, it'll be hard to miss).

Everything I Never Told You focuses on the Lee family, a bi-racial Chinese family living in Ohio in the 1970s.  While the main focus of the book is the death of their oldest daughter, Lydia, the book also uses flashbacks to give the reader insight into the family and how things were not as they appeared, while in the present, the family attempts to grapple with the death of Lydia and try to figure out what exactly happened to her in the first place.

First things first, it's important to note that this family is absolutely miserable.  The dad, who is the son of Chinese immigrants, is entirely focused on his children fitting in and being just like everyone else.  This means getting them the latest fads when it comes to clothes, buying books for them about how to make friends and focusing entirely on their social lives.  The mother, on the other hand, is American.  She was the top of her class and poised to go to medical school when she got pregnant and had to put all her dreams on hold.  Due to this, she decided to live vicariously through her children, or, more correctly, her oldest daughter, Lydia.  This meant that their oldest child, Nathan, was often looked over and forgotten.  This was something I found interesting, as most of the time the families focus on the oldest son, not the daughter.  This most likely stemmed from the mother's obsession with being a female doctor, and her desire to see the same for her son.  Not to mention, getting pregnant with her son was the reason she couldn't go to medical school in the first place.

As if this family weren't dysfunctional enough as is, they also had a younger daughter, Hannah.  Like her brother, Nathan, Hannah was completely unplanned and put a kibosh on her mother's plans to return to medical school.  As a result, Hannah is completely and utterly forgotten by everyone in the family, which only adds to the dysfunction.

Now, if you've made it this far and want to avoid spoilers, this is where you want to stop reading.  Even the discussion questions I post may have some spoilers, so read those at your own risk.

I'm a little strange, sometimes I can see a plot twist coming a mile away, sometimes I see it right before it happens, and sometimes I'm completely blindsided.  In the case of this book, I definitely saw it coming.  I figured that Lydia committed suicide (although it's up to interpretation if it was in fact suicide or an accident) simply because of the focus of the book.  Everything I Never Told You is more focused on the family aspect, with the police investigating her case only making brief cameos every once in a while.  This alone was a dead giveaway.  Ng focused more on the family and the events leading up to Lydia's death, telling the reader that whatever caused Lydia's death had to be somehow related to all of that instead of and outside person coming in and doing harm to Lydia.  The way Ng writes it, however, it makes it look more like it was an accident, although Lydia rowed a boat to the middle of the lake and got in the water in the middle of the night even though she knew she couldn't swim at all.  This causes the reader to wonder if she really meant to make it back to shore, or was it suicide?  I guess we'll never know.

Like I said before, I read this book for a book club.  While I did look at some discussion questions posted online, I also came up with a few of my own that I wanted to pass along in case this is a book you us for you own book club.  Please feel free to use or modify them to meet your needs!

1. Do you think Lydia really intended to make it to the dock or was it suicide?
2. Do you think Lydia's death was actually better for the family by bringing them closer together?
3. Had Lydia reached the dock, would she have actually carried out her plans to reclaim her life?
4. Why was Lydia chosen as the golden child instead of Nath?
5. What was Hannah's role in the novel?
6. How did James and Marilyn's childhoods affect their children?
7. Could better communication have saved Lydia?

Enjoy the book and let me know what you think in a comment!

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